TAKING A BREAK and FRIENDSHIP

WARNING:  This post is not what I think it should be.  I know that it goes in circles rather than actually getting to the point.  There are reasons for that but saying all of what I want to would require too much personal information to be put into a public post.   I will post a revision notice with a date posted for any changes (which I am sure will be made).   Forgive me for that.  Please.

     I have posted that I am taking a break from facebook and that it may be permanent. I was asked by a co-worker who pissed me off so badly to make me do it. The answer is simple: nobody. The problem is not anyone else. The problem, if it is one, is how I am beginning to look at the world and questioning what being a friend means and what it takes for me to consider a person to be my friend.

PART ONE: FACEBOOK

     The main reason I signed up with facebook was to keep up with my friends.  I have about 85 friends in my list but lately I’ve come to the realization that most of those are just people I know or, as in most cases, knew between ten and twenty years ago. I haven’t seen some of them since I graduated from high school in 1984. I see their post, they see mine, and rarely is there any interaction so what’s the point of keeping up with them on facebook?

     Of the rest whom I’m not related to most are co-workers. I am on good terms with most of my co-workers and I have regular contact with them.  Our personal lives do not cross so, again, what’s the point of keeping up with them on facebook?

     The remaining few fall into one of two categories. Friends who stay in contact with me by means other than facebook and people I considered friends who probably aren’t anymore but a don’t want to hurt my feelings by telling me to leave and not let the door hit me on the way out. I’m not going to single anyone out here and I am not doing this to try and figure out which category those few fall into. 

PART TWO: ME AND MY CRACKED (OR IS IT?) VIEW OF FRIENDSHIP

     I have recently begun to re-think my life and all of the things (and people) in it. I have come to the realization that while I am alive, I do not have a life and am not likely to ever have one. I am lonely and don’t expect that to ever change. I don’t fit in anywhere or with anyone so I only have two, maybe three, real friends who are able to overcome the barrier.

     I don’t want to upset anyone by saying “you are not really my friend.” I know there are a lot of people who consider themselves my friend and would do whatever they could to help if I were in a bind. I cannot consider those people as anything but friends.  They are not who I am referring to.  I used the term “real friend” but probably should have used “close friend” instead. These are the friends who not only care about your well-being but want to spend time with you and want to be close regardless of your quirks and failings. The “close friend” category for me includes two, maybe three people. Of these I speak with one of them on a daily basis. Another is 2,300 miles away and lives a life that is the polar opposite of mine. We don’t have much contact because of the distance and radically differing viewpoints but have ties that bind us as close as if we were raised in the same family. Of the third, I’m not sure anymore.  My thinking isn't the clearest at the moment so it's likely I've missed someone in the "close" category.  Please don't get offended if you are that one.

Now, back to what got all of this started...

     If I do quit facebook I will miss seeing the humorous posts from Mr. Takei and posts from the mad dispatcher’s diary. I will miss seeing what is going on with that buddy from high school that I haven’t seen in nearly twenty nine years because he moved away. Can I live with that? Yes. The biggest negative on quitting facebook is the steampunk group that I joined last year.  The group, unfortunately, doesn't have a real website so dumping facebook will effectively cut me off from the group and knowledge of upcoming events (which I can rarely attend anyway).  Can I live with that?  Yes, but with regrets.

     Another way to look at this is: I still live in the town I grew up in. I am not hard to find. I have worked for my current employer in the same town for almost twenty one years. I have lived where I do since 1997. My last name is unusual enough that anyone in the phone book with my last name is a relative. If any of these 85 friends cares to know what is going on with me they can call me or email me.  Probably the wrong attitude to have but it is what it is.

Why do I need facebook?

If you are one of my facebook friends who does not have my normal email address and want to comment you can use the comment section here or send me an e-mail at bigman7142-temp@yahoo.com (a temporary address set up for this post.  It will be deleted when spammers find it.)