Deer Hunting

I went deer hunting this morning and shot two does.

Seriously. I shot two of them. From my driveway.

I have gone hunting on more mornings than I can remember and it’s normally too dark to get a clear shot. This morning was different. It was a rough night at work (two wrecked patrol cars, one fatality accident, several EMS runs, and one house fire) so I was late getting home. I pulled up and there were three does and a buck right behind the house. I parked the car far around the corner of the house so I could get out without them seeing me, slipped back to the trunk, and got my piece out. It was a simple matter to slip around the corner and shoot.

I wasn’t fast enough to get the buck and one of the does. Rats!

The others, however, were too slow and I got them. Beautiful!

Wait a minute? Am I crazy? Hunting deer in May? Shooting a doe? Two of them?

What do you mean you’re calling a game warden?

Put the phone down. 
You have the wrong idea.

Yes, it is May. Yes, I know that Deer season ended months ago.

Just listen to me.  I haven’t broken any law.

I admit that I hunt deer out of season but I do it with a camera.

I absolutely do not hunt deer with a gun. Ever.

Wait... Again, you have the wrong idea. I don’t have anything against hunting deer with a gun. I just don’t have one. Again, it’s not that I have anything against guns but I have chosen to spend my money on things like computers and cameras rather than buy guns. I could easily borrow a rifle but I’m a lousy shot and couldn’t hit the broad side of a barn from 20 yards. 

It used to be different though.  I used to go deer hunting with my father when I was a boy.

I remember one enjoyable night camping in 20 degree weather, wishing I had a sleeping bag to put my sleeping bag in. I remember sitting all of one bitterly cold morning waiting for the big buck that I knew stayed near my stand. I remember the monsterous squirrel that pestered me while I was waiting for that buck. I remember that the only thing keeping me from shooting the squirrel was the knowledge that I would scare the buck away. I remember finding out that my uncle had shot that buck the day before. I remember going back to look for the squirrel when I found out about my uncle’s success. I also remember that the squirrel was smart enough to stay out of my sight that time.

That was a typical hunting trip for me.

Do you have an idea why I have chosen to hunt deer with a camera instead of a rifle?


I do, reluctantly, admit that I have had success hunting deer with something other than a camera. I used a very expensive weapon for deer hunting three times between August and October 1988. The weapon in question was a blue 1984 Ford Tempo with a bumper sticker that read “Urban Assault Vehicle.”  Even with that I was still 1 for 3.

Hmmm.

Maybe it would be better stated that the deer were hunting and they were 2 for 3. The first deer clipped a fender and ran off during a blinding rain storm. She went away sore with no damage to the car so she didn’t score. The second had bad timing and attacked the front bumper in order to do minor damage. She made the supreme sacrifice but at least she scored. The third was sneaky. He stood in the road, waited for me to stop, and ran off into the woods. I started moving again and he jumped out of the woods and slammed into the driver’s door. I consider his hunting trip to be successful because he seriously scratched the paint on the door, caused a stinky mess inside the car, and walked away with nothing more than a headache. SCORE!

I still don’t know what I did to make the deer mad at me but I learned my lesson. It’s been nearly twenty two years and the truce between the local deer and I still holds. I don’t try to hurt them and they don’t make me mess up my car.